Nintendo announced a new 3DS and new 3DS XL, named the “New Nintendo 3DS” and ”New Nintendo 3DS XL” . Apple has already begun preparations to file a lawsuit against them.

As with any announcement of a new DS, fans reacted as they would to a new Doctor on Doctor Who. Many were disappointed, but we all know they’ll love the new one after a few months, anyway.

The new 3DS is reported to have more buttons and an extra downloadable dimension, allowing Nintendo fans around the globe to have more things to touch. Fans are rejoicing at the additional options. However, there is still some controversy surrounding the device.

Millions of male gamers insist that the 3DS viewing sweet spot does not exist, as they haven’t found it yet. With the New Nintendo 3DS, the supposed sweet spot has been expanded through the use of eye-tracking software.

This has confirmed the rumor that Nintendo is watching you. They’re watching to see if your body is ready.

The new versions are also reported to use a Micro SD card that can only be accessed by removing the back cover and playing the “Song of Storms”. This is unconfirmed. Alternatively, the same source did confirm the existence of Half-Life 3 as a 3DS exclusive.

Additionally, as a result of social media proliferation, Nintendo has colored the buttons of the new models as a throwback to the Famicon. As a result, thousands of Nintendo fanboys and fangirls around the world have been admitted to emergency rooms as a result of fainting.

Finally, as customary with Nintendo releases, the device will be released in Japan within a reasonable amount of time. The North American and European releases will occur sometime within the next century.

Darwin Leuba is an Associate Writer at MONG. You can follow him on Twitter @darwinleuba as he revels in other awesome and semi-comedic exploits.