Hi my name is Jess and I am a bad driver in video games. I must have missed the virtual driver’s education class and I’ll admit it here and now that I don’t have a virtual license. I pride myself on being an excellent driver in the real world. I obey traffic signs, drive in the correct lane, and I even give the pedestrians their precious right of way. I don’t know what it is about driving in video games that sucks so bad. I literally hit every car that I pass or don’t pass and don’t even get started with me on pedestrians.
There was a point in time where I tried to figure out why I sucked so bad at driving any type of vehicle in video games. Maybe it’s because I don’t play very many racing games anymore. I guess racing games help, right? That couldn’t be the reason though because racing games tend to not have as much traffic, pedestrians, or other things in the way. It would only help me if I had a clear path. Then I thought it was a race thing. I mean, maybe black people can’t drive well in video games. That also couldn’t be it because BLACK PEOPLE RULE (black don’t crack, yo). Then I thought it was a girl thing to be sucky at driving in video games. Then I thought of Beyonce (WHO RUN THE WORLD? GIRLZ).
Clearly, my going back and forth was getting me nowhere. I have learned to accept that I’ll either master driving in video games over time OR it’ll be a defining trait of my gamer personality. My point in blogging this was to let you all know that my in game driving sucks. It’s the reason why 100% sync on games that involve driving is nearly impossible for me. Also, it’s to let all you sexist pigs, delusional idiots, and pretentious fools know that just because I suck at driving in video games, doesn’t mean that I can’t still WHOOP DAT ASS.
RESOLVED: I AM STILL THE QUEEN BEE VIDEO GAME PRIESTESS OF THE WORLD.